Full Transcript
Somebody out there is going to have their life changed by what I'm about to say. If you want people in your life to be honest with you, don't punish them for being honest. And I know that sounds obvious, but there are people out there right now who have noticed that in their marriage or in their friendships or at their workplace that people do not give it to them straight. They will conceal information until the last moment or they will sugarcoat things. I can guarantee you that they do it because you have trained them to do it. And already some of you are saying that is ridiculous. I would never punish somebody just for giving me their honest opinion or some negative feedback. But usually when we do it, we do it indirectly. For example, when you hear such a negative opinion, do you go over the top in how you beat yourself up? Are you in a horrible mood for the rest of the day? Do you ruin the vibe for everybody? that has the same effect. Whether somebody fears your retribution or fears your fragility, the outcome is exactly the same. Likewise, there are people watching this who have heard people laughing and joking and then when you entered the room, they got quiet. This often happens if you're in a position of authority. And in that case, you probably have told them, "Hey, loosen up. I'm just one of you." But for many of the people saying that at some point in the past when somebody said something that was a little bit off color, maybe a little bit over the line, you didn't just say so, but you made a big performance out of being offended to the point where they could kind of tell that you enjoyed being offended, that you enjoyed being in a position of moral superiority, that maybe you kind of like having that power of controlling what people say. I say all of this from personal experience as the person who has this bad habit. I've been a boss at several jobs and I've always been bad at it. And this is why because I loved to tell people, hey, be open and honest with me. Always don't be afraid to give me bad news or negative opinions. And I didn't realize that getting that behavior from people was not about telling them that. It was about controlling your own emotions and your own reaction in response to things that you didn't like hearing. The only way to get honesty from the people around you is by demonstrating that you can handle it.